Musings on Love

For many, many years I have been in love. I don't remember the first time I realized it, but it was a looooong time ago. I loved this man despite the disapproval of my parents when I was younger...late teens and early 20's. I retained my independence-mostly at his encouragement. I went away to college, dated other men, and lived the "typical" college lifestyle. I denied it to myself much of the time, and even convinced myself sometimes, but I was in love.
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As I grew older, he did as well. He fell in love with me too. But I never knew it...until recently. I am now 39 and have been married once. I have no children, despite trying to have them. After my marriage, I swore I would never marry or dedicate myself to another man. I am still resistant to doing this. But yet I am in love.
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He is 13 years older than I. He lives more than 1300 miles away. He is prone to (mild) paranoid thoughts and some depression. He has some health issues. And I love him.
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He is kind and compliments me all the time. He has had a steady job for MANY years and will retire from there. He adores his mom and his sister (even though he and his sister tend to argue quite a bit). I can and have told him just about everything in my life. He has never married and never had children (by his choice). Yet he wants to father children with me. We are compatible on many levels.
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He and I have a connection that defies words. We cannot be near one another without becoming intimate. It is not a purely physical relationship. It is sooo much more. It feels like destiny. It is wonderful and terrifying at the same time.
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So why am I pondering this? Because I tend to run away from my feelings sometimes. Because I had convinced myself that the age difference was too great. Because I was and am afraid to feel so deeply for a man.
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Once I re-read what I have written, I can not deny that my feelings are deep and true. I am completely in love and need to deal with it and let it flow rather than shying away from it.